I can't help but think about the last couple days what life will be like with Brady on his mission.

I get kinda emotional about it.

I start to fill clusterphobic when i think that next year at this time he will be on a mission.

Throughout hard times in our family and difficult things that I have gone through personally,

he has acted well older then his years and has held me together.

I am 20 and he is 18, but yet i look up to him? Ironic, but so true.

He is better then I ever could be and to me he is perfect.

Here's a story...

Once upon a time I was very attached to my kitty Sushidong.

He was my baby and i adored that cat.

One day he got very very sick and I took him to the vet along with Brady and my parents 

where I got the news that he was too sick to make it and needed to be put down.

I said my goodbyes to my little baby and fell apart at the vet's office.

I was sobbing so hard I felt sick to my stomach and had a headache and couldn't breathe

My heart was so so broken over that little cat and it took everything I had to say goodbye one last time.

After they put sushidong down, the vet gave us a little box with his body wrapped in a towl so that we could bury him wherever we wished.

I wasnt strong enough to even look at the box, but Brady picked it up and held it in his lap 

all the way to grandmas house and buried him in the backyard for me.

I can't even tell you how much this story has come to mean to me over the last few years.

I am so glad that I have a little brother who holds me together when I can't even deal with things.

Even something as simple as a cat dying, he was there for me and did something that I couldn't do because I wasn't strong enough.

Years later he has still supported me in everything that I have been through.

He came into my room last year while I was going through a hard time and reminded me 

to hold onto my goals, and remember how good things will get.

That night he became my friend.

I can't believe the person he has grown into and I am so proud.

I look to him for advice on how to treat others and how to stay strong.

And on top of everything he has this amazing talent of seeing right through people.

I always knew that whomever i marry had to be close to Brady, and had to have his approval.

Better yet, I hope he is alot like Brady.

I'll never tell him this in person...or at least not for a long time,

but if he didn't like who I marry it would most definately affect my choice. 

I would never tell him that I knew from the time we were young that he was special,

that he will do things I was never meant to, or ever could do.

I would never tell him that I can relate to him more than he could ever realize, 

and wish I could make all his decisions for him so that he will never experience heartbreak or regrets.

I would never tell him that I regret every time I didn't let him come out with me and my friends.

I wouldn't tell him that he was my first hero,

that I think of him when I hear the story of the stripling warriors.

I wouldn't tell him that I would pick him over any friend I have,

that being home when he is here is so much better then when he is missing.

I wouldn't tell him that I am starting to feel so sad about moving away and missing

his last few months before he serves a mission.

I probably wouldn't tell him that he really is funny all the times when I act like he's not,

and that I wish I had never missed a single baseball game.

I wouldn't tell him what choices to make and how to live his life but I wish I could always keep him close. 

After having family pictures today I am just so grateful to have all my family here, together. 

I have never felt more blessed. My heart is so full and I will never take that feeling for granted.